


my heart is yours to borrow

by emmalauren



Series: drabbles/fluff/prompts [3]
Category: Chicago Med, Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: F/M, jay & nat are good friends pry this from my cold dead body, jay has broken heart syndrome, jay isn't alone anymore, panic attack? kind of?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 16:43:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17125004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmalauren/pseuds/emmalauren
Summary: Jay Halstead has almost managed to push all thoughts of Erin Lindsay out of his mind for good. But when she shows up in his apartment one windy night, it's up to the Chicago Med heroes to come to his rescue.





	my heart is yours to borrow

**Author's Note:**

> hi i just binged the entire first season of chicago pd and rewatched all of the episodes of chicago med where nat & jay interact and the takutsubo ep with nat and i binge-wrote this in twenty minutes so

As much as he would swear up and down that he didn’t, Jay Halstead had rituals. After every long case, he would stop by Molly’s for a bottle of Sam Adams, park his car outside Will’s old apartment, and then walk through the Chicago night back to his apartment. It was only recently that he’d been able to truly start calling it his - it had been Erin’s for so long, even after he had taken up residence. The nights were pretty, and though it was still early when he reached his front door, Chicago nights were long. The stars weren’t visible beneath the bright Chicago lights, but the only memory he had of them burning was chilled by Afghan winds. Chicago lights would do just fine. 

He knew something was off the minute he stepped through the front door of his apartment. At least one light was on, a habit he had hated of Lindsay’s and one that he had never picked up on himself. The smell of cinnamon lingered - it was a scent he attributed to one person alone. “Erin?” He called out. Every instinct in his body screamed at him to unholster his gun and press it to the temple of whoever was sitting on the couch in his living room, but he simply stepped forward, stopping in his tracks when he saw the brunette head turn towards him, hazel eyes turning into maple syrup in the light of the lamp.   
“Hi, Jay.” 

He either wouldn’t or couldn’t move - he wasn’t quite sure, but Jay didn’t trust himself to be anywhere near her anymore. Not after everything. Instead, he fixed his eyes on her, waiting for her to explain or leave. He didn’t expect anything else from her, nor did he hate her for it. Despite everything, Erin Lindsay didn’t owe him an explanation. The only thing they owed each other was time. “I’m sorry to surprise you like this. I was going to call, but I still have the keys to the apartment. They’re on the counter. I thought I should tell you about my new job.” It wasn’t quite an attempt at humor, but a glimpse of the woman he had known shone through. Jay would take what he could get, so he nodded stiffly. “New York is really good for me. I’ve been doing what I’ve always wanted to do, and I’ve been making a mark where I am. Despite all the good we did in Intelligence, it was always shadowed by the bad and how I got there. I needed to leave. I’m sorry I did it the way I did, but I’m not sorry for making my life better. I started seeing someone - not a cop, if you can believe it - and it’s been good, Jay. Really good. I just thought I should tell you before I - before I can’t anymore. I thought after the way things ended, I should at least let you know that I’m alive. That I’m breathing a little bit easier now.” Jay couldn’t move, could barely breathe, his blood rushing in his ears. He could only watch as Erin approached him, leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. “Goodbye, Jay.” And then, she was gone. 

“Good job today, Dr. Halstead.” Natalie grinned up at her husband, unwrapping the stethoscope from her neck.   
“You as well, Dr. Manning.” Natalie collapsed on the couch in the doctors’ lounge and watched Will as he pulled on his jacket.   
“Hey, I’m going to call Jay, okay? I know Voight’s been on his ass about a bunch of things recently, and I think it might be nice if we treated him to dinner. Connor said he was going to pick up Owen an hour ago so he and Ava could have practice with a little one, so we’re free for the night.”   
“Uh, sure, that would be great. Look, text me where we’re going and I’ll meet you there? I need to take a shower first and get on a new shirt.” Natalie glanced up at Will, nodding her acknowledgment and immediately tuning out his mutterings about Rhodes having a baby before he was as Will left the doctors’ lounge and dialing Jay.   
“Jay?” Natalie winced as the line filled with static, interrupted only by heaving breaths that rasped up from bruised lungs. “Jay? Jay, are you okay? What happened? Jay?” Natalie shot to her feet, pacing back and forth.   
“Nat?” It was startling to hear Jay, one of the strongest people Nat knew, speak like a scared little boy.   
“Jay, what’s going on?” She repeated.   
“I can’t breathe. I feel like I’m going to pass out, or vomit. It feels like my heart is going to beat out of my chest. Erin came back, and now she’s gone, and-” Jay cut off, heavy breathing filling the line again.   
“Jay? Jay! Listen to me - you’re most likely experiencing something called takutsubo cardiomyopathy. I need you to try and breathe for me, okay? I’ll be at your apartment in ten minutes, but you cannot black out before I get there, do you understand me? Jay?” Natalie swore as the line went dead before grabbing her bag and coat and pushing out the doors. 

Natalie and Will’s place was further than the ED was from Jay’s apartment, and even as Nat called Will and told him what was going on, she knew she was going to have to be the one to calm him down. Chicago traffic at eight at night was still terrible, but Natalie had been a racecar driver in another life, and it took her under seven minutes to get to Jay’s place; taking the stairs two at a time and bursting through the door - which was, blissfully, unlocked. She didn’t have the instincts of a cop, but even she could tell something was off - besides from the heaving breath sounds coming from around the corner, the air smelled like cinnamon, a scent she associated with Erin Lindsay alone. “Jay?” She called, rounding the corner. Jay Halstead lay on the ground, halfway between the living room and the kitchen. His chest heaved at random intervals, ocean eyes squeezed shut, and face pale and beaded with sweat. He was still awake, which was a positive, but Natalie could tell just from looking at him that it was taking all his energy to just keep conscious. “Jay!” She dropped to the floor beside him, checking his pulse and his breathing before pulling out her phone flashlight and checking his pupils. He winced away from the light, his pupils reacting normally before taking another heaving breath. “Jay, look at me. You’re fine. You’re going to be fine. We’re going make this stop, alright? I need you to breathe with me, now. Deep breath in. Can you do that for me?” Nat knew Jay hated this voice - it was the “doctor voice” that cops associated with bad situations - but even getting him to the mindset of making her stop using that voice would be helpful. “Jay, please look at me.” Natalie coaxed, watching as Jay’s eyes slid open slowly before he took another heaving breath, his pupils widening in panic. “No, no, Jay, you’re going to be fine. Listen to me. You are the bravest person I know. And I know it feels like the world is ending and that even your body is betraying you, trust me, I know. Takutsubo cardiomyopathy is the official term for broken heart syndrome, Jay, and I’ve felt it before. I know how you feel. I know you feel alone, and you have been alone because she left, and Olinsky died and you’ve had to do all of this alone, but your world didn’t start with Erin, and it won’t end with her, either. Even when the skies go gray, the world keeps spinning, and even if it feels like you gave so much and time won’t stop for you, I know you will get past this. Do you know how I know that? Look at me, Jay Halstead, so I can tell you how I know that.” Natalie smiled softly at Jay as his eyes focused in on her and took another shuddering breath, this one just slightly less damaging than the last. “Because you, Jay Halstead, are a fighter. Despite everything that has happened to you, you are a fighter, and not just for you. But for everyone you’ve ever cared about. Fight for me, Jay. Fight for Will. Fight for yourself, Jay, but fight. Take a breath with me. Please.” Natalie watched as Jay closed his eyes and breathed with her. One deep breath, followed by another and then another. Natalie reached out to the man in front of her, helped him sit up and lean against the wall, checking him over instinctively. She could see his hands were shaking, but other than that, the takutsubo seemed to have relinquished its hold on the younger Halstead.   
“She’s gone, Nat. She’s really gone. They’re all gone.” Nat had a lot of memories with Jay Halstead, but all she could think of when she looked at him on his kitchen floor was ‘Seriously, Jay, I don’t know how you go to work every day and...do all of this.’ She had meant it at the time, but feeling his body racked with sobs next to her, she truly understood what exactly he had seen. 

Ten minutes later, when Will Halstead burst through the door of his brother’s apartment, hair wet and shirt inside out, he ran into the kitchen to find his brother crying on the floor, clutching onto his wife like a life vest. Nat was running her fingers through Jay’s hair as she did with Owen, rocking back and forth slightly. Will slid to the floor opposite them and watched as they both drifted off into the night.

**Author's Note:**

> i thought this could be an amazing friendship and also jesse/torrey are adorable!!!!!!!! this was written in twenty minutes, maybe less. love that for me. inspired by a couple things from both inside and out of the one chicago universe but IT'S ALL GOOD. 
> 
> As always, I am @emma-laurennn on Tumblr, so come find me with your thoughts, and all your opinions.


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